Daily Funnies

ROFLMMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

know what the difference between a girlfriend and a wife ? about 45 pounds.

Q:

How many women with PMS does it take to change a light
bulb?


Woman'sAnswer:

One!
ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? because no one else in this fuck'n house knows HOW to change a fuck'n light bulb! They
don't even know that the fuck'n bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE fuck'n DAYS before they figured it out.
And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the god damned light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CABINET for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them, 2 DAYS LATER, the fuck'n chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME fuck'n SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER
THE FREAKING LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO FUCKER EVER PICKS UP OR CARRIES
OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATEDFROM THE FUCK'N PILES OF GARBAGE THAT
ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE FUCK'N HOUSE!!
IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS PLACE! AND
DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHO CHANGES
THE FUCK'N TOILET PAPER ROLL !!

I'm sorry.
What was the question?

... Change Is Coming ...

The buzzword of this past election was "CHANGE." Candidates tossed it around without saying what they wanted to change to. Just that we need "CHANGE!"

This brings to mind the following illustration.

Years ago, there was an old tale in the Marine Corps about a lieutenant who inspected his Marines and told the Gunny that they smelled bad. The lieutenant suggested that they change their underwear.

The Gunny responded, "Aye, aye, sir. I'll see to it immediately."

He went into the tent and said, "The lieutenant thinks you guys smell bad, and he wants you to change your underwear. Smith, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowskie, Brown, you change with Schultz ...."

"Change, now get on with it."

And the moral is:

A candidate may promise "CHANGE" in Washington, but the stink remains!

Pirates To Quit by Friday

The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting
unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF)

These boys will be dropped off in Gulf of Aden off Somalia's northern coast
and have been given only the following facts about Pirate Terrorists :

1. the season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus.
5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt .

The Pentagon expects the problem in Gulf of Aden off Somalia's northern
coast to be over by Friday.

The Wii guys... SNL

http://www.hulu.com/watch/57938/saturday-night-live-wii-guys